Flanter – How to Get Your Chat in Tip Top Shape to Secure a Date

Banter and flirting are so important when you are trying to learn a bit more about someone, especially if this is without ever having yet come face to face. It is the first make or break of a potential relationship, and also a great way to figure out if the connection is even there in the first place.

We sat down to speak with Eugénie Legendre, Dating Trends Expert at happn, who offered her expert advice on how to get your flirting game in tip top shape to secure a date.

Be yourself

First things first, be yourself and don’t lie about who you are in any way – even if it is well intended! Nobody wants to learn at the first date that you aren’t that super model or body builder you claimed to be! Don’t be afraid to talk about your hobbies and interests, you never know you might even have the same quirky traits. But be aware to not overshare, know when enough is enough – saving some fun stories about yourself is great conversation for the first date.

Timing is everything

Don’t try to be too mysterious or play hard to get! Yes, it is good to keep them wanting more, but don’t “ghost” the person. It’s good to give a little time between texts so you don’t seem so eager and anxious but it’s also really not a good idea to leave that person hanging for days for a reply. Show them that you are interested in them and be open to talking about yourself and what you are like.

Bounce jokes off your friends first

It pays for every conversation in your life to be engaging and fun. Bounce jokes off your close friends and family first, if they go down well with them – it is likely you will get a good reception in the early more platonic conversations when you are trying to secure a date.


Emojis are instilled in how many of us communicate digitally. Sometimes words are not enough! If you looking to lighten the mood or add more playfulness to your tone, don’t be afraid to use those fun emojis! They’re a great way of expressing yourself and can add personality in such a small simple way. Don’t go overboard on them though, you don’t need to put fifteen laughing faces when you find something they said to be funny, one will do the trick and get the point across.

Find your flirt

Flirting comes way too naturally for some and can be painfully difficult for others. Don’t let that scare you, everyone can flirt, it is just a matter of getting out of your comfort zone and finding the right person who gets you.

Be comfortable in your own skin, this is a very attractive quality and can really help you to build connections and help people feel drawn to you. Put your potential date at ease too, compliment that person if you find what they’re saying interesting and you have the same views or interests. This will help you to build a common ground and show your date that if you were on a date, you’d have joint interests and plenty to talk about.

Don’t be too serious too soon

Some people might be seeking a casual date and some might be looking for something more but either way, before a first date – keep it light. There’s no need to decide if you are marriage material before you have even shared a drink. Save your long term plans for later on, you don’t need to worry about that yet.

Remember, most men and women are looking for someone who makes them laugh. A critical ingredient to a successful first date for many. In the early conversations, focus on – do you have a compatible sense of humour? Not what you will call your two children where you’ll live.

Eye contact

When you do get to that first date make a concerted effort to make eye contact. Everyone knows this is a good idea but in reality when you have first date nerves and are with a stranger in a crowded place, it can easily go out the window! Try to be self-aware and remember to make that connection. Keeping eye contact might feel uncomfortable at first but it really shows the person that you are interested and focused on them and eventually it gets easier to do. It’ll also help you create more intimacy between you during conversation and it could be the make or break deal for a second date!

Diana Simpson

Diana is a passionate journalist and a curious soul who is on the quest of finding what she loves the most; coffee, dogs, books or traveling? Born and bred in London, writing is her healing power.

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