Although the word ‘divorce’ doesn’t muster images of happiness and euphoria, there are ways you can get through it. We’ve put together some tips related to the most common issues you may face before and after a divorce. If you have just filed for divorce, you may need the assistance of a divorce lawyer and a law firm for process serving.
Dealing with finances:
Finances can be stressful during a divorce. Not only are you dealing with splitting matrimonial assets and/or dealing with child maintenance payments, but you are also facing a new reality of a single income. There is some good news though. If you’ve heard the headline: ‘divorcing couples to be given three years for asset transfers’ you’re not mistaken, because as of April 2023, couples divorcing now have three years to split financial assets without having to incur tax liabilities. This differs from the current legislation where couples only have until the end of the tax year to transfer without having to pay Capital Gains Tax.
Although many couples split amicably, often, communicating with an ex-spouse can be challenging. It’s tempting to lose your cool if you feel triggered by something your ex says or does, however, you should try to take a step away from your frustration and think before you respond. Reacting too quickly can be a source of regret later on. Writing a thought-out message with a neutral tone can be much more constructive when you are trying to organize issues relating to your divorce, especially if you’re involving a divorce lawyer in the process. It also helps that you have a record of exactly what has been said by both parties. Stick to the facts and try not to bring up old problems that may ignite continued conflict.
Don’t bring your children into your discussions:
Unless you are arranging practicalities for your children, avoid bringing them into any talks or discussions. Asking them to send messages to your ex-spouse is not a good idea either, and can make children going through a divorce feel compromised and uneasy. Try to also avoid asking your children about what the other parent has said or done, or ask them for more information on what your former partner is doing.
Divorce has lots of ups and downs. One minute you may feel grateful for your new found freedom, while the next you can feel weighed down with grief for the loss of your marriage and/or family unit. It may feel like a never-ending cycle of emotions but it will come to an end. Initially, you may feel angry, guilty or shocked about what has happened, but these won’t last forever, you simply have to accept the process and allow time to take care of your emotional wounds.
It’s easy to start the self-blame game in divorce, even if you were the one who initiated it. Perhaps you could have tried harder in the marriage? Been a better partner? Done more in the home or taken that job overseas? Asking yourself these questions is a very human part of the grief process and in time, you will be able to forgive yourself and look forward to the new stage in your life.
Use your support network:
When you are going through a divorce you will need the support of your friends and family. Utilising your friendship circle can take many forms; doing activities together, going out for meal or drinks, learning a new hobby together or simply chatting on the phone. Knowing that you have people there to listen to or take your mind off things is crucial when you are experiencing a distressing time. If you are unable to make contact with friends or have lost touch, now could be a good time to join a new group or take up a new hobby to meet new people.