Femdom, AKA female domination, is a kink that is growing to be more and more popular amongst men and women in the bedroom, yet still something that is highly misunderstood by others.
Since 50 Shades of Grey hit the big screens, domination and scenes of BDSM have become much more normalised. The roles in the film show Anastasia Steele, the female, as the submissive and Christian Grey, the male, as the dominator. However, when it comes to the idea of the roles being the other way around, it becomes more of a unique kink. We reckon people often forget that it all started as Christian being the submissive to Mrs Robinson!
Female domination (femdom) can come in a variety forms and isn’t always how you imagine it. Many people think of the most extreme forms, i.e. pegging, torture, or even a pair of stilettos to the balls. While this is the case in some scenarios, it isn’t the case in all bedrooms. The role of a femdom can consist of any act whereby the female is in a position of power and superior to the male. For example, the woman might use the man for things like money, sexual gratification, general well-being, happiness and lifestyle.
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Let me explain further:
Financial domination can come in many different forms, but is often when the women demands money from a man. The men who participate often like being referred to as ‘pay pigs’, ‘human ATMs’ or ‘money slaves’. The dominatrix (woman) can request anything from her bills to be paid to a new pair of shoes or even for her hair to be done. Another form of financial domination is blackmail. This is where the man and women would role-play different scenarios where the femdom would threaten the male submissive that she would release provocative pictures of him unless he coughed up.
Sexual gratification is where the male pleases the woman sexually or watches her pleasure herself but has no sexual release himself. This can be anything from watching her use a dildo and masturbate with him watching but him not being able to touch her, it could also be where he pleases her by giving her head but can’t get off himself. The kink is basically a desire to watch someone be satisfied sexually without having your needs met in the same way.
Interestingly, there is a major preference in this kink with younger guys wanting attention from women a fair bit older than them. This goes well beyond the typical man who wants to meet older women looking for sex. Many of these younger men grow up surrounded by strong women who are their teachers, doctors, and bosses which can often lead toward an interest in this type of kink.
As our society becomes more progressive and open about different kinks and preferences relationships between younger men and much older women are becoming increasingly common and accepted. There are even some foot worship websites that are free for amateurs to join.
General well being, happiness and lifestyle can be anything that requires the man to attend to the woman’s needs, wants and desires. He basically waits on her hand and foot. This fetish goes back to where the Amazonians believed that all men should be slaves. Therefore the femdom recreates the idea that men have no value other than serving a woman and procreation.
As I mentioned earlier, there are more intense variations of female domination and are often heavily related to BDSM. Pain inflicted pleasure is a kink many people can relate to. Scratching, spanking, even some minor choking can be enjoyable to both parties. When a woman dominates a man it is the man who is inflicted with pain or chained up with handcuffs and bondage. Toys like nipple clamps, paddles, chastity cages, whips and a strap on (for pegging) can be introduced at any pace you’re comfortable with.
For anyone looking to try the femdom role it is important first make sure you check the following:
1. Make sure both parties are happy with the role you are about to take. Don’t have any unwarranted surprises, it’s important to maintain a level of trust between you both.
2. Take things slow, as you can see above, there are many different ways of introducing the female domination kink, build yourself up to ensure everyone is comfortable at all times.
3. Create boundaries, communicate at all times, and make sure you both speak about it before you begin, safe words are always good and can prevent things from getting carried away and becoming non-enjoyable.
4. Get into character, wearing specific outfits can make sure that you both know you are ready to get down and dirty, making dinner and settling down for the evening.
Finally, have fun and dive into all your sexual desires headfirst, you might be able to find something that completely blows your mind!
Written by: Tami Rose – Sex and relationship expert and sex toy boutique owner – http://www.shopromanticadventures.com/