Is finding love really as easy as ‘swiping right’ and popping someone into your online basket, like a tin of beans? If dating apps work, why are more and more adults living alone and feeling frustrated at not being able to find, ‘The One’? Jo Warwick, experienced relationship therapist, and founder of The Big Love Event, shares her top tips on how to approach online dating and get better results.
#1 – Unnecessary Vulnerability
Would you give your bank details to a complete stranger?
This may seem like a really odd question and of course you wouldn’t, because it’s just common sense. The potential risk for being screwed over are pretty high!
When we’re young we are taught not to talk to strangers, but as adults there’s a social norm to think the best way to find our perfect relationship is by jumping into bed with them!
Even if we communicate for a few hours or over a few dates and texts, remember that new people are still relative strangers, even if acquaintances, so why would you consider, not only sharing your most intimate physical parts?
I’m not saying everyone is out to get you, but it’s common sense to be a bit more cautious and make such choices with a sane, sober mind, as you would with any other big decision in your life — or do you not think sharing yourself and your valuable intimate assets, as a big decision?
It’s totally counter intuitive to our animal instincts to mate like this, because of the unknown information; if they’re firstly safe, secondly trustworthy and thirdly worthy of being not just in your life, but close up and personal.
Why not use a little more of your intellect, as well as your instinct to harness your desire so you can assess the risks and potential long-term benefits!
#2 Communication
If asked to broker the negotiations of an international peace treaty – would you do it via text, email or a chat app?
I sincerely hope not! We have become lazy, or perhaps fearful with our communication and would like to assume that 146 characters or emoticons can create a romantic connection, with a huge amount of emphasis placed on a ‘X’ on the end of a message or not.
Chat apps and text messages are simply the modern version of a telegram. Short, brief and great for telling directions, jokes, unemotional information, but try to discuss anything of weight, gravitas, or emotional importance and you’re asking for confusion.
Communication is the foundation of all human relationships. Not simply because of words, but it is the tone, the emphasis, the body language, the eye contact and the emotional energy behind it which bound it together that translate what you intend and mean something to the listener!
So if you want to make an impact, be valued and above all remembered then place importance on your communication skills (which includes listening) – because the only real way you can create that personal connection – is in person.
#3 – Exposing Yourself
Would you go to the grocery store, the post office or the office in your underwear?
Unlikely, unless you have a particular fetish were you want to feel over-exposed in a public place and have a desire for being arrested.
Showing off ‘the goods’, exposing as much flesh as possible in bars, clubs or parties, online, photos and through sexting, are still public places are they not?
The way we behave is like a sales window for the store that is you and it tells the world how you value what you have to offer and the type of browsers, or buyers you get will reflect how you’ve been displaying in your window – are yours quality sales leads or time wasters?
‘Less is more’ still applies – that not less clothing, but less exposure. Tone it down. Create a bit of mystery, so that people can be curious about finding out more and use their imagination.
By: Jo Warwick For more like this visit the The Big Love Event website and sign up for first interactive event in Mayfair on 14th May 2016. Learn how to let go of self-sabotaging patterns and understand the essential elements to attracting and finding the right person.