5 Guys To Avoid

5 Guys To Avoid Your Coffee Break

He’s perfect! That’s what you’re telling your friends about your new guy. You’ve been dating him for about three weeks, and you’re sure he’s the one. Your knees buckle when he walks into a room, you light up like a Christmas tree when you see his number calling your phone, and when he kisses you, you swear you’ve died and gone to heaven.

Those feelings are completely normal and wonderful! BUT, how do you know if your guy’s a keeper? There are certain deal breakers when it comes to relationships, certain things to watch out for. Sure, he’s handsome, charismatic, fun and adventurous and your parents are already giving you their blessings. But, it’s always wise to look behind the good looks and charm, and focus on his core.

The following five guys are the ones you want to stay away from. These are the men you want to avoid more than the co-worker who sits next to you who has a cold, or the telephone solicitor who calls you at home the second you take your first bite of your dinner. In fact, these are the men you want to RUN from!

1. The jumper:  You’ve known this man for one month and he’s already asked you what kind of ring you want. He’s telling you he loves you every thirty seconds, and he talks about your future together in the suburbs with your minivan and three kids. One word: psycho. I am constantly amazed at how many men and women jump so quickly into relationships! Minimally, you should date someone for a year, (all four seasons) before deciding ANYTHING about your future. What’s the rush? Slow down! Chances are, if the jumper is jumping into a serious relationship with you, he’s done it with other girls. BEWARE!

2. The drinker: When people go on dates, it’s very common that they drink alcohol. Both people are nervous, both are trying to relax, and both want to appear to be fun and happy. So, yes, alcohol helps. That said, watch out for the guy who orders 5 drinks on your first date, and then does the same on every date after that. He might have a drinking issue that will rear its ugly head later on in the relationship. Drinking is okay. In fact, I think it’s great. In moderation. But there’s a difference in drinking for fun, and an addiction. Recognize it! And one more thing about drinking, please don’t drink and drive. Ever!

3. The liar: I once dated a man who told little white lies all the time. Early in our relationship, I heard him on the phone with his friends. The friends called to see if we wanted to go out for dinner with them that night. My guy told them that he wasn’t feeling well. The real reason we didn’t want to go is that we were tired and had been out every night for 4 nights in a row. We just wanted to relax. So, I said to him after he got off the phone, “Why did you lie? Why didn’t you just tell the truth?” He seriously had no answer. Over time, I caught him in lie after lie after lie. I should have known from lie number one that he was trouble. He began lying about where he was and I truly think he was cheating (although I’ll never really know.) Liars aren’t smart, and eventually, their lies catch up with them. Having someone who is honest and upfront with you means everything. Honestly!

4. The negative guy: The weather’s bad. The market’s down. He hates his job. His family’s bugging him. Everything is perpetually doom and gloom for the negative guy. He’s awful to be around, always complaining, and criticizing. He’s also cynical when it comes to anyone who bears good news. Here’s my advice. Break it off, or you will catch his negative attitude, which in my opinion is a horrible disease!

5. The control freak: I can’t resist referring to my beloved book (I’m being sarcastic), Fifty Shades of Grey. Christian Grey made me sick in many ways, the biggest way being that he was a complete control freak. I can’t believe how many women like the guy! He got angry with Anna because she was going to visit her mother without him?? He controlled everything she did, from her clothing and makeup, to what she did with him in bed. Sorry, what made a thoroughly entertaining book is NOT healthy in the real world. Girls, don’t let your guy control you. You are an independent, smart, successful woman, and you can make your own decisions. I think it’s okay to take suggestions from your guy, but if it gets to be more about control than about him having your best interest at heart, you need to CONTROL the situation and break up.

I can’t resist ending this article with three really good guys. These are the men who are keepers, the ones to treasure. Don’t take them for granted. They are far and few between, but they certainly are out there!

The good ones:

The lover: The lover is affectionate, he holds your hand in public, he kisses you just for nothing, he scratches your back or rubs your feet after a long work day, and my favorite, he plays with your hair.

The giver: He’s the guy who will bend over backwards for you. He’ll give you help when you need it, and he’s always asking how you are. He KNOWS about what’s going on in your life because he cares enough to ask. And, because he’s like this, you are too. So, in effect, he’s bringing out the best in you.

The loyalist: This guy isn’t in the relationship for just fun and happy times. He stays with you when you are ill, or when someone close to you dies. He’s there, not just for happy hour, but he’ll stand by if you get fired from your job. Don’t take loyalty lightly. I think it’s hard to come by.

Jackie Pilossoph

Jackie Pilossoph is the author of FREE GIFT WITH PURCHASE and two other novels. She is also a freelance magazine writer and weekly newspaper columnist. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in Communication from Boston University. She lives in Chicago and is working on her fourth novel.