The 12 week mark is one of the biggest milestones of pregnancy… possibly second only to the birth itself in its significance. Because of the existence of the 12 week scan (which isn’t always at exactly 12 weeks) and the fact that by this stage of pregnancy the likelihood of anything going wrong drops significantly, it’s the most popular time to go public with your big news. Of course, you might have told a few special loved ones already. But, if you haven’t told the world yet that you’re having a baby, you might be wondering the best way to play it.
Chances are, you might know someone who will struggle with your news. Perhaps they’re TTC themselves in the face of fertility issues, for instance. You might have even been in the same boat yourself, in which case you’ll know more than most how someone else’s big moment of joy can be really triggering for others, no matter how selfless and kind they usually are.
Parenting expert & Founder of Littlelist, Katie Massie-Taylor, provides her top tips on how to share the news sensitively.
1. Before you and your partner tell anyone that you’re pregnant, it might be worth making a list together, mental or otherwise, about who to tell when and how, just so you’re both on the same page and he doesn’t let slip to Big Dave at work before you’ve told your family.
2. If there’s someone on the list who might struggle with the news, on this rare occasion face to face isn’t necessarily the best approach. Instead, think about sending them a factual but kindly worded text or even email. It gives them the chance to digest the news in their own time and respond when they feel ready.
3. Similarly, slapping a big all-singing all-dancing reveal on social media can feel brutal. Of course, it’s not realistic to tell everyone you’ve ever met personally. But if someone is important to you, and especially if the news might be emotional for them, taking a more personalised approach before going big and public is the kindest thing to do.
4. Beware the gossip trail. If you’ve told a few loved ones before 12 weeks, chances are they might have excitedly let your news slip already. So, if there’s anyone you specifically want to tell yourself in a sensitive way, make sure they know that others know about it too. It ought to be absolutely fine to say “Mum, I know that cousin Jen has been trying for a while so can you please hold off on telling Auntie Pam until I’ve had my scan” without causing offense. And if they ignore you and blab anyway? At least you tried.
5. Try not to be crass with your announcement. What might be funny to you and your partner, or your already sprogged-up mates, could feel insensitive to anyone struggling. Jokes about contraception failing, not being ready, looking like you’ve had a big pasta lunch? Not ideal.
