Fly me to Paris…

Cafe au Lait on Sunday morning in a cute little Parisian café… this is the good life!

The above picture is me last night and let me tell you; I have actually had a rather unusual weekend. Escaping London for a long weekend is always an interesting proposition, but what my friend Pippa came up with on Wednesday was much more than that.

We all have followed the erotic adventures in Eyes Wide Shut. I must admit, I have since wondered, if these events really exist. Picturing myself in a gorgeous revealing gown and a feathery mask surrounded by hot guys, has come to be one of my favourite fantasies…

Now, our erotic fantasies, may they be put into action or not, usually do not cause any harm. The story is however a completely different one if you are dating someone, who – as naughty as this may sound – is simply not part of your fantasy or unwilling to share it.

My friend Pippa found herself in a long-term relationship with a partner that she loved and valued but that had stopped to fascinate and excite her. Like me, she had been intrigued by said movie, and her desire to break out of her relationship routine was growing stronger by the day.

What do you do, she asked me with desperation, if the attraction for your long-term partner starts cooling off? How important is it compared to other values such as trust, kindness, similar values and tender feelings? Physical attraction plays a vital role in the beginning of a relationship. But what happens if we get so used to our significant other that the butterflies settle and we stop feeling drawn towards them?

I fear this is a stage that most couples will eventually hit, some sooner others later. Have you never started off something very promising but noticed a while later that all the romance of the first glowing months had worn off to reveal a much less glamorous reality – a reality that you did not particularly cared to be part of?

Whether you find yourself fantasising about the handsome stranger in the club last night or the yummy new colleague at work, there comes a point in a relationship where you are – at least temporarily – intrigued by other people.

The loss of attraction does not have to mean that something is critically wrong with you as a couple, but be sharp and judge carefully that you are not sticking around out of habit. If routine is the only glue that keeps you attached to your man, you should gather your friends and make them help you take a leap. It’s not easy to give up security and stability. But you will find that it makes you feel alive and that’s what counts, after all.

If you find that you love, value and respect your partner despite the fact that butterflies have stopped fluttering, what do you do? How important is it to keep feeling sexually attracted? And if so, how do we save a relationship that has lost its spark?

Maybe a harmless flirt with a hot guy can boost your appetite. Maybe it helps to take some space and do something you have always dreamed of. Travel the world, learn to fly a helicopter or join a life drawing class, do whatever brings you closer to yourself – if possible without hurting your man.

My friend Pippa had decided to go down a slightly different route and reawaken her sexual desire at a Parisian mask ball – and I was the one to accompany her! What an exciting idea… for a single girl. How she had planned to calm her conscience and to justify her rebellion, I had no clue, and reckless as she seemed, neither had she.

Putting aside this disturbing thought, we flew down to Paris on Friday and picked up our costumes.  Come Saturday afternoon I started feeling excited. I would finally see my secret fantasy come true: a whole mansion full of beautiful people clad in oriental harem’s costumes was awaiting me. The limit? None…

How far do you need to delve into your realm of fantasy? Is acting your sexual dream out, the only way of finding satisfaction? Can watching alone inspire you to be happy with whom you have at home? These were the thoughts that filled my mind when Pippa delved into the proceedings.

Would she find pleasure? Surely. But would she also find her way back to her man? I am less sure of that…


/ Sophie 

Sophie

Having skidded headlong into my thirties, completely unprepared for what was expecting me, has probably been the best that has ever happened to me. Dating has never been more intriguing - life has never been more amazing! Laugh and cry with me on my way through the often fantastic and sometimes abysmal London dating scene…

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