How to Handle Family Dynamics this Christmas, According to an Etiquette Expert
As Christmas plans get fully underway, people are likely to be spending more time than usual with family members, whether that’s gathering with immediate family or meeting up with in-laws. In some cases, this could be for the first time if your relationship is new, which can make the season feel even more special (and a little nerve-racking). But while the holidays bring plenty of joy, they also spark some pre-season nerves around tricky conversations that might come up at these family gatherings. Shockingly, researchers at Bridebook have discovered that there have been 28,000 Google searches for “How to get out of Christmas” this past month in the UK alone. The data also shows that this search term spikes in searches every year in the lead up to Christmas, with 65,000 UK searches last December; the highest they have been since 2021.
To help ease the pressure and keep the festive spirit bright, I provide guidance on navigating family dynamics and social plans this Christmas.
Here are the top 4 ways to navigate new family dynamics this Christmas
1. RSVP to events with an exit time clearly stated
Some families have multiple gatherings over the holiday season. You and your partner may only have the capacity to attend one of these, or you may struggle to keep up with family events that go on for hours. But how do you minimise your time without ruffling any feathers?
Communicating your capacity in a kind, calm, clear way is key. For example, when you are replying to an event invite, you could say, ‘We’d love to come; however, we’ll only be able to stay until 4 pm’. This sets clear expectations and will mean no awkwardness when you start to gather your things at 3:59 pm.
If you don’t want to go at all, a simple warm and respectful message declining the invitation is completely fine. One doesn’t need to cotton-wool the host’s feelings, but there are times where adding a few extra phrases or words of warmth can help you decline with greater ease, politeness, and goodwill. For example, ’Thank you so much for the invitation to your Christmas party. We are so honoured to be invited, and would have loved to attend. Alas, that weekend is already jampacked, and, unfortunately, we won’t be able to attend. Knowing you, it’ll be a fantastic event, and we look forward to catching up with you after the holiday season’.
2. Carve out time for yourself during events
In order to manage the busier seasons of life well, while maintaining an inner sense of peace, this season you must carve out time to physically ‘inhale oxygen’, so that we can exhale. Yes, it takes discipline, courage, and often saying no. But the rewards speak for themselves. The rewards you can get from making time to inhale are peace and joy, resulting in clarity of mind and heart, coupled with stronger mental and emotional wellness. These moments are invaluable this season.
3. Overcommunicate with your partner
Communicate with your partner, whether existing or new, on what you’d like your holiday season to look like. Do you like a ‘busy’ season? Or do you prefer to turn down the hectic and go slow, with only a small number of Christmas parties? You must openly communicate with your partner if you prefer to do cosy couple or solo things during this busy season.
Hamish Shephard, Founder of Bridebook, says: “The reality of every relationship is that you’re not going to agree on everything 100% of the time, and these disagreements can often come up during the Christmas period. Everyone approaches the holidays in their own way, so communicating your desires and expectations with your partner is absolutely crucial. So long as you understand where each other’s coming from, you can navigate the season with understanding and respect – creating a happier Christmas together while still making space for your own needs.”
4. Use the following phrases to redirect unwanted questions
- “I’m not comfortable discussing that right now”
- “I don’t have the grace to answer that question today. Let’s talk about something else”
- “That’s not a topic I’m able to discuss right now”
- “Look, I’d prefer to talk about something else today. How are you?”
These phrases are some of the most effective ways to navigate interactions with family members or in-laws that you’re not fully comfortable with yet. Oftentimes, an honest, direct shutdown is the most straightforward way to shut down an intrusive question.
Written by Jo Hayes, world-leading etiquette expert
