Career or Kids? Many Women Feel They Can’t Have Both
The age-old “when are you having kids?” dinner table interrogation is finally meeting its match: the very real, very modern shrug. For a growing number of young women, “Do I even want kids?” isn’t just a fleeting thought—it’s a serious life audit. Recent data from EduBirdie shows that the “white picket fence” dream is getting a makeover, with 30% of Gen Z women admitting that motherhood might not even be on their mood board. It’s not just about a lack of desire, though; it’s about the high-stakes trade-off. Nearly a quarter of these women feel like they’re being forced into a corner, stuck choosing between climbing the career ladder or changing diapers. In a world that demands 100% of your energy for both, many are starting to wonder if the traditional “have it all” narrative is actually just a recipe for “doing too much.”
Prudence Leung, Registered Psychotherapist, Resident Expert at EduBirdie, said: “Unlike a couple of decades ago, when women were actively told they ‘can have it all,’ Gen Zers are affected by a different reality. The cost of living has become impossible to cover for even middle-class single-income households. Besides, the idea of what a fulfilling life means has changed. In the previous century, raising a kid was often connected to bigger life goals, like leaving something behind. In a world where self-growth, peace of mind, and entertainment become more central, having children is simply not as attractive anymore. Especially given that child-rearing is still mostly gendered labor that women have to sacrifice other opportunities for. My advice is simple: treat your uncertainty as something that is normal and stay connected to what matters to you now. And remember that there is no “correct” approach to life that you’re supposed to follow.”
But for women who want both career and kids, there’s a more urgent question: how?
Time isn’t linear anymore, and it’s a good thing
Social media often paints women with kids as superheroes who can perfectly balance work, life, and family. I won’t say it’s impossible, but you definitely can’t do it all simultaneously. Life comes in seasons: some days, work dominates; others, family does. Right after giving birth, being “CEO of the year” isn’t realistic – and that’s okay. But even though I’m mostly a mom right now, my other roles haven’t disappeared. I still manage morning emails or late-night projects when I can. And my perception of time has changed: I’m learning to flow with different phases, which sharpens a sense of priority I never had before.
Boundaries foster creativity
Motherhood is like a new extension of your brain: you learn skills you never knew you had, relive fragments of your own childhood, and see the world in sharp detail. But to fully tap into that mental expansion, you need clear boundaries between all areas of your life. No emails while I’m with my baby means both quality time with him and better ideas for future work. So don’t fear that your baby will consume all your attention – it should, and it will, at least for a while – but this experience will bring fresh, creative ideas and new perspectives later.
Asking for help is a skill
Being a mom is literally a full-time job on top of all other things. Nobody can do it perfectly alone without losing their mind. If I could give one piece of advice to future moms: build your support system before you need it. Not just your partner or family – friends, other moms, colleagues with kids, your therapist. Help comes in many forms: advice, a kind word, someone to spend time with your child, or just a person to vent to. When you know you’re not alone, you can do miracles. And learning to ask for help teaches you the ultimate skill for both personal life and career – delegation.
Failure pays dividends
Being a parent, you’ll fail constantly: spilled milk, forgotten appointments, mess everywhere. It’s a crash test for perfectionists. If you’ve ever frozen because you feared making a “wrong” choice, motherhood will change that. It forces you to experiment, adapt, and try again. This is an invaluable skill for your personal and professional growth, and one you acquire as a guaranteed bonus to motherhood.
Written by Natalia Shakhmetova, founder and CEO of nove8, and a mom to a newborn
