SELF July Cover: Tracee Ellis Ross Proves Single Is Self-Care
SELF’s July cover embodies self-care, self-love and self-worth in its radiant subject, the singular Tracee Ellis Ross.
Ross walks and talks (through the Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum in New York City) with SELF Editor in Chief Jessica Cruel to discuss her latest project, Solo Traveling with Tracee Ellis Ross for the Roku Channel (in it, she bounces from Morocco to Mexico to Spain, exemplifying what it’s like to travel alone), and her beauty and wellness regime.
Ross is the founder and co-CEO of Pattern Beauty- and together, Cruel and Ross explore the question: what does self-care look like when you love the life you’re living?
Ross proclaims, “I didn’t need a man to build the life I wanted.” As a happily single black woman, who has inadvertently become the internet’s ‘rich auntie,’ Cruel observes that Ross takes pride in that she is not the ‘rich auntie’ but the rich man, (as Cher would say).
“Can you be yourself, by yourself out in the world?” she poses. “It’s one thing to discover who you are, and it’s another to have the courage to be that person. And then it takes even another layer to do that when you’re not in your comfort space. Travel, for me, is a way to give myself a chance to wander, ponder, and be.”
On becoming the face of Gen X and millennial single women:
I’m not interested in [being the poster child for] singledom, because I am looking to meet a partner. What I don’t mind is being a poster child for living your life on your own terms, for not waiting for partnership to find joy and happiness, for curating and cultivating one’s own sense of self.
On what self-care looks like when you love the life you’re living:
Knowing how to care for yourself is also how you teach someone how you want to be cared for. My favorite place to be is inside my body, to be present in my skin.
[My mom] didn’t build the wealth she has, she didn’t build the career she made because of a man. The example that was set for me [was] that I didn’t need a man to build the life I wanted.
On maybe getting married someday:
I wore my wedding dress to the first Emmys that I was nominated. It was Ralph Lauren couture. And I remember thinking, ‘Oh, I’m marrying my life.’
Men get to an age where they’re like, ‘Now I’m ready.’ But women, we’re supposed to be waiting the whole time. This is not going to be some sweep-me-off-my-feet [moment]. I like where my feet are. I’ve worked very hard to get them underneath me. I want a partner that’s not going to sweep me off my feet, but is going to link arms with me.
On dating younger and dating online:
(As shared on Michelle Obama’s IMO podcast) …A lot of men my age are steeped in a toxic masculinity and have been raised in a culture where there is a particular way that a relationship looks.
The dialogue [around this statement] was fascinating… I didn’t say ‘men were toxic.’ I said they were steeped in toxic masculinity because so am I. The same way that we are steeped in a culture of white supremacy. I know the generosity of how I express things. I also know that if I do things wrong, I’m happy to admit it.
(on dating apps) …I already have such an issue with the swipe of life. The juxtaposition of horrible things or beautiful things and garbage things all mushed into swiping. I don’t want to put the idea of partnership into that kind of category as if I’m shopping for something.
On embarking on solo adventures out in the world:
Can you be yourself, by yourself out in the world? It’s one thing to discover who you are, and it’s another to have the courage to be that person. And then it takes even another layer to do that when you’re not in your comfort space. Travel, for me, is a way to give myself a chance to wander, ponder, and be.
Most of the places I go, I’m the most important person in the room… I find it a real relief when that’s not the case.
Read Tracee’s full interview here.