When it comes to creating the perfect life, a happy and fulfilled relationship is the icing on the cake. It’s not that you need someone else to be content – simply that, for most of us, it’s nice to have a partner to share it all with.
So why is it that so many of us can’t stop playing relationship roulette? While we might daydream about finding someone we love to settle down with, lots of us find that our romantic forays keep on failing, and we can’t quite work out why.
Some of us tell ourselves it simply wasn’t meant to be; others, that there must be some magical formula we’re failing to grasp. The truth is often a little bit of both: that you haven’t found the right person and that you’ve developed unhealthy relationship patterns that are standing in the way of your long-term, loved-up happiness.
Luckily, there are a few simple steps that can help you to break the cycle.
Spend some time focusing on yourself
Have you ever heard the term ‘relationship roulette’ before? Deriving from the casino game it shares a name with, millions of people around the world play roulette online and off- each and every day. It all counts on chance to make the right call, but the final outcome is impossible to predict. Not so with real-life relationships, where you can often tell early on if they’re doomed to fail. One instant giveaway is right in front of you: yourself. If you’re looking for a relationship in the hopes of finding a sense of fulfilment you’re currently lacking, it’s important to realise that this won’t come from somebody else. As cliché as it sounds, you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else, so it might be time to step out of the dating game and focus on you for a bit.
Be realistic about what you want
Once you’re satisfied with where you are as a strong and successful singleton, it’s time to ask yourself what you really desire from a relationship. It’s not enough to simply want someone– in fact, we encourage you to be discerning. While impossibly high standards won’t do you any favours, it’s perfectly okay to discount those people who can’t give you what you need, and it’s best to do this at the very beginning before you find yourself falling into another relationship that’s doomed to fail. This means that no matter how good looking or charming the handsome 20-something you meet on Tinder is, if he doesn’t want the long-term relationship you do, he’s not worth wasting your time on.
Understand that good things can come in the most unexpected guises
We know, we know – we’ve just urged you to be fussy and now we’re telling you not to be too fussy. It might sound counterintuitive, but it really isn’t, because once you’re in an established relationship, you’ll find that your significant other sets your heart aflutter no matter what they look like, how they dress, or what they do for a living. This means that while physical attraction and innate chemistry are important, they’re not the be all and end all; it’s your partner’s personality that will make or break your future happiness. Find someone you can connect with and that wants the same from life as you do, and age, appearance, and anything else that’s wrong on paper will simply fade into the ether.
Isn’t it time to stop the cycle and start securing the future you want?