Eight Top Tips For Thriving After Infidelity

It is not easy to heal from the heartbreak of infidelity and move to a place where you can be happy and regain control of your life. To have the best chance of achieving empowerment after such a painful experience, you need to begin to accept what has happened and what that now means to your life moving forward.

The loss of a loved one can create such a void that you feel it will never be filled. It can feel overwhelming and unbearable. It can also be difficult to reconnect with your own identity after being one-half of a relationship for some time, potentially decades.

Only when you put yourself in the driving seat, will you have the power to take control of your life and make it what you want to be. This is the most important thing you need to do in order to not only survive, but begin to thrive. You have to tell yourself continually that you matter, because you do.

Follow these top eight tips and we are sure you will look back one day and be proud of the person you have become.

Don’t trap yourself in the past

Remember, life goes on regardless of whether you choose to move on into the unknown or stay trapped in the past wondering what could have been. Your energy is precious, don’t waste it on those who don’t deserve it, and don’t let life pass you by. It’s easy to get trapped by the past, but this is your chance to set yourself free; you owe it to yourself. Don’t obsess about your partner and the other person. Each time you obsess about the relationship you disconnect from yourself. Your obsession can take away from your ability to open yourself up to new opportunities.

Keep looking forward

Never let your future be controlled by what you have lost, but rather embrace the opportunity you have been given to make a better future for yourself. Often, things we dread are what makes us stronger. No matter how hard it is, you have to keep looking forward. Every day remind yourself that the past is the past, it’s time to re-focus on the present. You matter and you must keep looking forward.

Whatever happened has happened. Holding on keeps the pain alive – letting go releases it. You owe it to yourself to let the pain go and create a space for happiness to come into your life. The longer you hold on, the deeper the resentment may become.

Set yourself goals

Depending on where you are in your recovery, your daily goal maybe something as simple as getting out of bed. Goals will help you to keep moving forward. Implementing a few small changes can help you get to where you want to be. Take small steps towards each goal. Any long-term goals need to be broken down into achievable bite size pieces. For example, if you need to buy food, just buy food for that day. Remember, no matter how small, it’s important to celebrate all your achievements and reflect on how it made you feel. Share your success with people you trust. This will help to motivate you to keep going forward to achieve your bigger goals.

Keep a journal

One of the best ways to deal with hurt and negative emotions is to write them down. As you progress on your road to recovery, you will be able to look back at your own words and see just how far you have come. It is initially hard to accept it, but being able to reflect on your own story will help you to realise you are stronger than you ever thought possible.

Be your own best friend

The most important thing you can do is to take care of you. Ask yourself how you would treat a friend or family member who was going through the same thing? You would be kind, caring and tell them to look after themselves. That is exactly what you have to do now, but for yourself. You will manage your hurt more easily if you show yourself compassion and celebrate what is good in your life. You must be gentle, kind and patient with yourself. Look in the mirror every day and tell yourself out loud “I matter” and believe it.

Acknowledge how you are feeling and that your emotions are in turmoil. Accept that

recovering from infidelity is a grieving process, a journey that you must take. If you can’t do this, you will be stuck and unable to move forward with your life. Once you can accept this and know that you will come out the other side, day by day, it will become easier and you will become stronger.

Being kind to yourself includes surrounding yourself with people you trust and who will support you. You may need to seek professional help if you are struggling.

Challenge your negative thoughts

Focusing on regret, wishful thinking and self-blame keeps you stuck in the past. Constantly thinking about negative situations can lead to a person becoming depressed. It is not always easy, but it is so important to focus on the positives and to challenge all your negative thoughts. You have suffered enough, don’t suffer more pain by telling yourself you are not good enough or someone else is better than you. It simply isn’t true.

The more you think positive things about yourself and reflect on those words, the more they will become part of you and the more likely they will become true.

Face your fears

Whether you remain with your partner or not, it can be very frightening, knowing that your relationship has changed. It can get better, but you must be able to face your fears and anxieties in order to move forward. Embracing your fears will help you to change your perspective. For example – I am scared of being alone – can become – I embrace being alone.

Learn to trust again

Learning to trust again can be one of the hardest things to regain after infidelity. Trust can be regained and rebuilt. The most important trust to focus on and start with, is the trust you have within yourself. This starts with identifying the people who trust and rely on you. By recognising these people and what you mean to them, will help you start to trusting yourself again and how valuable you are.







Julia Keys

Julia Keys is the co-author of The MANScript (May 2018, Hashtag Press) and My Freedom Diary & Journal (November 2018, Hashtag Press). Julia has a professional background in nursing, counselling and psychotherapy; her specialist subjects include dealing with relationships, mental health issues and eating disorders. Julia was a school counsellor for five years, helping 11 to 18-year-old girls with myriad concerns, many of which related to their parent’s relationship issues. Julia is skilled in safeguarding children and vulnerable adults. She has also worked at a specialist woman’s centre where referrals came from all walks of life. Julia has lived most of her married life, to TV presenter Richard Keys, in the public eye and has dealt with many personal crises in the gaze of the newspapers and media. She knows all too well how hard it can be to present yourself externally to the world, while struggling immensely, internally. She also knows how frightening and lonely it can feel when you have been betrayed.

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