Divorce rates are increasing year on year and with the majority of these occurring within the first 10 years of marriage, it may cause you to wonder, what is causing more people to get divorced?
A new survey has revealed that one factor could be the emotional and physical stress we put on ourselves when it comes to making (or avoiding) major decisions – be it a new job, ending a relationship or managing our finances.
The study of 1016 married individuals conducted in September 2018 by Brookman International Family Lawyers, showed that 83% of those questioned had postponed an important and inevitable decision, with almost half saying that they put off their decision for more than 6 months.
More alarmingly, 79% found putting off the decision extremely stressful, resulting in extended periods of emotional and physical strain on the body. This pressure was only eased after they had taken the plunge, with 74% stating that they felt relieved once the decision had been made.
The survey also indicated that important decisions regarding jobs and relationships were the most common dilemmas. In addition, 64% had put off a decision because they felt it was ’not the right time’ to deal with it and a third had put off making a decision out of fear of upsetting their partner.
The results also indicated that procrastinating over an inevitable decision could potentially have long term effects too, with three quarters of those surveyed admitting that they regretted not going through with a decision in the past, or wished they had made a different choice.
The Impact of Stress
Ongoing stress affects the body is a variety of ways. It can wear you down emotionally and could lead to depression, anxiety or irritability as stated on the NHS website ‘Symptoms of stress.’ There are also physical effects that are caused by chronic stress; insomnia, headaches and nausea for example. Both physical and mental effects work hand in hand and neither should be ignored, but it can often be harder to identify and tackle the emotional issues.
A Fear of Saying NO
The issue of prolonging an inevitable decision is made worse by the fact that many people are afraid to say the word NO. In many cases, the weight of a big decision originally comes from an external factor, such as an employer’s demands or relationship commitments, and the fear of saying no pushes the decision to the bottom of the pile.
“Avoiding saying no doesn’t have to mean the person does nothing, it may simply be that some time needs to be taken to seek professional help or counselling to better understand the issue that’s causing them stress and angst,” explains divorce lawyer and marriage counseling specialist, Henry Brookman. If this continues to happen, consulting a marriage counseling specialist may be beneficial.
He continues, “What this survey has highlighted is that when we are talking about major, inevitable decisions, doing nothing is not the answer. Delaying a decision whilst also not knowing where they stand makes the stress even greater. Typically, more information, in the form of professional advice or counselling, then makes the main decision much easier to make.”