Break‑ups are an inevitable part of life as, alas, life isn’t like the movies! Sadly. Sometimes, things don’t go to plan with our Noah Centineo’s or Jennifer Aniston’s. But no matter how messy or explosive the break‑up, knowing how to stay on good terms with an ex can make all the difference in the long run.
The International Authority for Professional Coaching and Mentoring is the leading accreditation authority for professional coaches. Here we worked with their Sales & Marketing Director, Dawn Ann Campbell, who is sharing her top five tips for staying friends with an ex:
1. Keep the lines of communication open
We may feel a break‒up is a marathon sprint to block the other on all social media first, but don’t do a full‒on ban. Be honest with your ex partner about your needs and boundaries; keep certain lines of communication open for emergencies or to have general but civil conversations.
2. Talk about their behaviours, not about them
We all change as people every single day. No matter how long ago you met them, your partner, and you, just aren’t the same person as you once were. With this in mind, talk about how they behaved rather than them as a person so they don’t feel attacked.
3. Never say anything you wouldn’t want them to hear
Nobody appreciates back of the classroom gossip. It’s disrespectful to your partner to make remarks or comments about them. Even if it feels good in the moment, it could come back to bite you and make for hostile relations.
4. Don’t use the ‘why’ question
Whether they’ve dumped you, or vice versa, we often want to know why it’s happening. As much as clarity is key to understanding, there comes a point where demanding answers and throwing whys around will impair the closure process. Know how to use your intuition and read between the lines instead.
5. Seek to understand before you can be understood
In the wise words of Stephen Covey in ‘7 Habits of Highly Successful People’ by first showing empathy and making an effort to understand your ex partners position, you’ll be able to value them as a person better, alongside opening the opportunity for them to do the same with you.