I have a confession… Last week – for the first time ever – I farted in front of my boyfriend.
Gross, I know. Despite it being an accident, I still grimace with humiliation at the memory. But I suppose after a year and half of dating, it was bound to happen eventually. Truth be told, this may not have been my worst offense.
Which leads to another confession – I went this past week without shaving. That wasn’t an accident. I just didn’t care. Is it even worth trying when the only guy I’m supposed to impress constantly announces his impending bathroom breaks? Yes, my boyfriend and I are at that dangerous stage in our relationship – we’re comfy. While we haven’t let ourselves go completely, all pretense of intrigue or mystère has long since been abandoned.
He has seen me without make up, he has heard me snore in bed, we’re so comfortable but we’re not even close to being wed.
And that’s the dangerous part.
At one point or another, every couple in a long-term relationship will find themselves in the Comfort Zone. It starts off innocently enough, such as foregoing a fancy night out in favor of sweat pants and a pizza. But then that pizza night becomes routine and soon you and your significant other are packing on the pounds. Who wants to even try wrestling into skinny jeans when your partner doesn’t mind you in sweatpants? Although this may be a welcome sign of stability in the beginning, with time, the line between coziness and laziness can easily become blurred.
“When you’re wooing each other, you work and plan to try to please. But when you roll over and your partner is next to you, you stop thinking you have to seduce each other and cultivate your rapport,” says Sandra Leiblum, PhD, professor of psychiatry and Director of the Center for Sexual and Marital Health at Robert Wood Johnson Medical School.
Indeed, there is a limit in getting too comfortable in a relationship and that is when we take for granted each other’s love and get caught in a routine. That initial bubbling flirtatiousness and excitement can gradually replaced with a creeping feeling of wistful boredom.
This is why as you grow more comfortable with your partner, the bare minimum simply isn’t enough to keep the spark alive. But as prone to slipping as we are, it is just as easy to combat that emotional or physical complacency. It is irrelevant whether you’re aiming for a ring or you’ve already walked down the aisle. You should always ask yourself if you are the same person that attracted your partner long ago. Revive the passion while still being comfy.
So set aside time to focus on the romance within your relationship. Go on an impromptu date or do something unexpected – spontaneity is key to keeping the flame alive and stops your from falling into the boring routine you are stuck in.
Whether you start exercising, or you do as I do and vow to shave more often, always try to show your partner how much you care by taking care of yourself too. Don’t get lazy about love.
It’s time to bring sexy back.