October is the Month We Lose Our Closest Friends – And How to Fix it
October is the month when social calendars split – some dive into pumpkin-spiced parties while others quietly brace for the most isolating stretch of the year. Loneliness spikes long before Christmas: it begins in October, when the reality of “catch-up communication” sets in – months of quick check-ins that never quite rebuild closeness. In fact, Dating.com, a global platform for meaningful online connections, found that Google searches for “don’t have time for friends” and “reconnect with friends” have jumped +163% and +121% this month.
The rise of ‘catch-up communication’, and why it’s ruining friendships
Jaime Bronstein, LCSW – a licensed therapist and resident expert at Dating.com, explains that friendships happen easily in childhood, require next to no effort to maintain. She adds: “Adulthood, however, doesn’t come with those built-in meeting points. As our lives get busier and our worries rack up, the constant conversations of youth slowly become occasional check-ins. Over time, our friends become acquaintances, but deep down, we crave the meaningful connections we’ve lost along the way.”
How to revive your relationships — before the holidays make loneliness worse
Bronstein shares advice for rekindling genuine connections this fall:
Invite perspectives, not just updates: Instead of “What’s new with you?” try “What’s your take on…?” Rather than a running log of shallow updates, this fosters actual conversation – where thoughts and opinions are shared and discussed.
Swap status updates for stories: Instead of the usual “How’s work?” – which usually earns a “fine” or “busy” – try asking “What’s the most interesting thing that happened at work this week?” Stories invite depth, keeping the conversation alive.
Share your thoughts of the day: That interesting observation, article, or quote that you came across? Don’t keep it to yourself – share it with those you enjoy talking to. If you found it interesting, most likely others will too!
Avoid communication monotony: Stick to voice notes this week, and only trade photos next. It breaks up the routine, keeps conversations fresh, and makes you think before you hit send.
Revisit the past: Nostalgia has a way of bringing us closer together, so blow the dust off your old photos or laugh over an inside joke your mind still holds on to. People love receiving old pictures, especially when they’re unexpected. Life can be stressful and feel heavy sometimes, so this is a way to brighten someone’s day.
Create ‘ongoing threads’: That passion you both share? Create a new chat where that’s all you can talk about. It will serve as a constant reminder of why you connected in the first place.
Start a digital ritual: Schedule a weekly catch-up time to share your wins and worries. Then follow up with a “what I’m looking forward to” message on Sunday evening. If you can keep it consistent, communication will never be lost.
Practice real-time sharing: But don’t always wait for scheduled catch-ups. Sharing short voice notes throughout the week, showing you’re willing to do more than the minimum to keep the conversation going.
Don’t just think of them – share with them: That article, podcast, or meme that reminds you of them? Let them know. Small gestures can make all the difference in maintaining relationships. We are going through a loneliness epidemic. When you reach out to someone, whether in person or through this method, it helps them not to feel as alone.